off we go...

My 33 Birthday Party / soft launch for project35

It’s been one year since I turned 32. 365 days (or something like that). 8760 Hours. 525600 minutes. 365 sunsets. 365 sunrises. 

If you have known me long enough (for most people it’s not very long at all) you know that my favorite holiday is birthdays. I think it is so remarkably special that we get these special days to celebrate the people that we love, the people who make our days full of colour, light, love and laughter. We get to celebrate that they were born, that they exist, that we got to have them in our lives for however long we get to have them. 

That is so fucking cool. 

It’s my 33rd birthday. 365 days after my 32nd birthday. 

This birthday is so tremendously special to me. I have been working on the words I wanted to say today for quite some time, because I knew that words were never going to be able to fully encompass how special this birthday is for me. I have written explanations, I have written beautiful words, and I have deleted them.

To be blunt, frank and honest: 

I had no intentions of making it to my 32nd birthday. 

I have alluded to this in the last year - that last summer was one of the hardest summers of my life. However, true to Tahnia fashion, I have not been particularly open and honest about how hard it was. One of my many flaws in life is that I have a tendency to swallow my own tongue to benefit others around me, to swallow my struggle to aid those struggling next to me. 

But I made it. I have spent the last 365 days. 365 sunsets and sunrises looking for the most beautiful moments to find what I love most in this world. I have spent the last 8760 hours looking for me again. I have spent the last 525600 minutes fighting for my sense of self, love, laughter and finding the spark that ignites my flame again. 

And when I tell you that summer 2024 Tahnia is the strongest bitch I know - I’m not lying. I owe so much to the past versions of myself for carrying me to where I am today. 

To 33. The birthday that I am so unbelievably excited to celebrate - because something has shifted for me. A core wound has started to heal inside of me and I don’t feel like I’m suffocating beneath the weight of the universe as heavily. I don’t feel like the weight of other’s actions are sitting on my chest and pummeling their hands into my mouth to keep me quiet. 

I feel free. 

So I’m here, at 33 with a new strength that I didn’t know I was ever going to find. I’m here at 33 with a new passion for life that I didn’t know I was ever going to find. I’m here, at 33 with a voice that I could only hope I would find one day. 

So now, at 33 years old - with dreams in the sky and eyes on the future - I am excited to announce my first ever autobiographical project. A two year project that I am currently calling project35 until I have a better name for it. The plan is to create a 35 painting exhibit to open on my 35th birthday - where hasn’t been decided yet. 

For years I have had my story repeated back to me incorrectly, from people who never stopped to ask me what actually happened, or where I have been or what has happened to me. Instead, assumptions have been made, stories have been crafted, and falsehoods have been narrated. I have simply been too scared to ever share my story with my own voice.

So, this exhibit will be my story, told my way, with my voice. To celebrate and honor, truly, the past versions of myself that got me to who I am today. To celebrate the human who had to grow faster than they should have, who had to fight stronger than they should have and who stayed silent when they never needed to. I am honoring myself as I look to the future and celebrate the life that is still to come. 

My story is my own, and I am tired of hearing it told back to me in words that are not mine. My voice is my own, and no one will take it from me ever again. 

I was so fortunate to get to celebrate my birthday a couple of days early, where I got to celebrate with some of the amazing community who helped me make it to 33. Those who helped me find the light again, the love again and the laughter again. Even though you didn’t know the depths of the darkness I was in, or how far down I was drowning - your hands were always there to pull me back out. I could never say that I did this all alone - because that would be a lie. I am who I am because of the tremendous people who exist around me. 

So I am overwhelmed with love when I look at the underpainting that was created by this amazing community of people. The underpainting that will be the base for year 33 - the year that I step into this world as a more assured version of myself - unapologetically and relentlessly.